Trust
me to mention Ray Stubbs having the ‘balls’
to sing in Comic Relief’s ‘Fame Academy’
because soon it’s going to be my turn to step
outside of my own ‘comfort zone’ on mainstream
TV.
Don’t
worry I’m not going to sing! It’s worse
than that!!
I’m
going to become (or try to become) an expert on the
life and times of Geoffrey Chaucer who, as some of
you might know, was a bit of a saucy writer a few
centuries ago.
This
is for a brand new ITV prime time show called ‘Don’t
Call Me Stupid’ (I’m sure there’s
a few out there who would like to!) in which celebrities
try to become ‘experts’ on the passion
of another celebrity.
In
my case, the cuddly Vanessa Feltz has got to learn
as much as she can about fishing (not darts, she prefers
to carp!) with a little help from me, and by reading
all about it.
And,
because she gained a University degree in the study
of Chaucer I’ve got to learn as much about the
great man as I can, with a little help from her, and
lots from studying books on Chaucer and his own writings
– which, unfortunately are written in Old English.
It’s
like learning a new language – only harder –
and much more difficult than writing my own book ‘Bobby
Dazzler’.
I’ve
already spent a week of learning (Chaucer) and teaching
(fishing) with Vanessa – which has included
a trip to Canterbury. When she came to George Hall
to handle my rod (now that is ‘saucy Chaucer’)
on my fishing lakes, her first words were: ‘I
never thought a darts player would live in a place
like this’!
Funny
how we get pigeon-holed in our sport! Why shouldn’t
a darts player have a decent gaffe? Mind you, she
wasn’t being snobby intentionally. She just
thought it was more Beckham than Bobby, which is nice!
THAT’S
THE WAY TO HOUSE IT!
Could
also be something to do with George Hall having 18
bedrooms. Vanessa is a bubbly personality who shares
the sauciness of Chaucer in her own life (I’m
learning fast!).
LUVVERLY
BUBBLY!
Sixteen
celebrities will be taking part in this new series
(who thinks them up?) and I reckon I’ve got
the hardest task of them all. If you don’t believe
me, then take a look at some of Chaucer’s work
– ‘Canterbury Tales’ is perhaps
the most famous – and try to get your head around
the words of the 13th Century.
One
thing’s for sure. He never played darts, or
wrote about them for that matter!
At least there’s a connection in the fact that
we are both authors, and I’ve been known to
write a few saucy words myself from time to time.
But there’s another one contained in the fact
that his grandfather was named Robert Chaucer, so
he was related to a ‘Bobby’.
Anyway,
I will be swotting up for a few weeks and then the
idea is for me and Vanessa to present our new-found
fishing and Chaucer knowledge respectively in one
programme in the series.
Later
on in the series we will be quizzed on what we know
(or don’t know) on our subjects. At the end
of it all, the celebrity who proves that he/she can’t
be called stupid on their newly acquired knowledge,
will win.
Just
like Ray, I am putting my neck on the line, but as
I have always relished a challenge, I will give it
my best shot.
The
series ‘Don’t Call Me Stupid’ will
be seen on ITV-1 later this year.
THAT’STHE
WAY TO CHAUCER IT!
By
the way, since Bobby Dazzler was published, I seem
to have been in demand on the celebrity circuit.
As
well as ‘Don’t Call Me Stupid’ I
have also been asked to talk to a couple of TV companies
about other series ideas – including one on
d-i-y, and another for Sky called ‘Flutter’
in which…..wait for it!.... I will be arm-wrestling
another celebrity. Honest!!
What
next? ‘In Bed With Bobby’ (now there’s
a thought!). It looks like being a very busy TV year
for me.
THAT’S
THE WAY TO TV IT!
Who
knows? At this rate I might even end up with letters
behind my name one day. Mind you, I would much prefer
letters in front of my name than behind it. Like ‘Sir’.
Can you imagine it? Arise Sir Bobby!!
It’s
not likely to happen, but I can dream can’t
I?
THAT’S
THE WAY TO KNIGHT IT!
By
the way, how can Pro Life criticise me for calling
Tim Darby a cleaner (I can’t help it if he wasn’t
professional enough to introduce himself to me) when
he likens Robert Holmes to the infamous Chemical Ali?
He
might have thought it funny to change the name to
‘Comical Ali’ but I and many others in
this sport know Robert as a decent and honest family
man who does a great job for the BDO and darts.
To
compare a nice geezer like him to one of Sadam Hussain’s
notorious henchmen is a step too far and goes well
beyond bad taste.
THAT’S
NOT THE WAY TO DO IT!
On to nicer things, I am proud that my boy Richie
George is flying the flag for England in the Junior
IDL this month. He’s the only England youngster
in this competition and he’s got there on merit.
He
did well in Utrecht last year and I hope he does even
better this time around. It’s not about winning
at this level, but taking part and gaining valuable
experience on the big TV stage.
Good
luck also to Scotland’s Scott Campbell, who
is another great prospect emerging from the youth
ranks.
THAT’S
THE WAY TO JUNIOR IT!
Which
brings me nicely to the end of yet another column.
Keep smiling. Be Lucky and May The Darts Be With You!
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