THE WAY TO DO IT! By BOBBY
what a funny old time it’s been lately. I mean funny
‘ha-ha’, rather than funny ‘aargh!’
Dodd. He’s my favourite comic and the man is a genius,
a legend, an icon and a national treasure. Yet his planned
Xmas show at the Royal Centre in Nottingham has been cancelled
by a new managing director who claims that there were ‘negative’
comments about his show last December.
The Legends show was to be judged on supposed negative comments
(mostly organised) then (allegedly) we wouldn’t be booked
anywhere (according to some)!
As it is,
just like Doddy, we’ve enjoyed good audiences all round
the country and our bookings are very healthy, thank you very
Holmes, who has handled PR for the great man for nearly 40
years, tells me that support for Doddy has been incredible.
He was asked to go on News At Ten, GMTV and lot of high-profile
shows, but it was decided not to dignify the ridiculous decision
made by one man in Nottingham (obviously the dastardly Sheriff).
a couple of well placed interviews in the Daily Telegraph
(a bit of light relief from MP’s expenses) and The Independent
did the trick by showing the huge public and media support
for the toothy comic.
is that Doddy started his professional career in Nottingham
in 1954 and has entertained in that City for over 50 years.
In contrast to any claims made, his ‘Happiness Show’
last December played to a capacity audience who gave him a
decision led to the show cancellation this Xmas, which means
that there won’t be much laughter in Robin Hood’s
gaffe this year. But, I have a feeling that the funniest man
in the land might be asked back again.
that critics are not always right – in fact, in my experience
(and Doddy’s) they are usually wrong!
THE WAY TO DODDY IT!
Did I mention
that one of our dogs, ‘Cash’ was nicked some time
He vanished and has not been seen again. That’s the
bad news. The good news is that we now have a new dog and
have decided to call him ‘Cash’ in memory of his
a lovely little Jack Russell who certainly lives up to the
name……what you might describe as a case of Cashback!
THE WAY TO CASH IT!
on the subject of cash a bloke asked me to sign a fiver at
a recent Legends Show, so I made a good job of it by writing
my signature as large as I could in black felt tip. He went
away looking very pleased.
show, Eric asked me if I wanted a drink and when he took a
wad of notes from his pocket and the moths had all flown off,
there on the top was my signed fiver!
did you get that from?’ I asked, and he turned round
and said with a big grin on his face: ‘I bought it from
a bloke for four quid!’
so-and-so will probably put it on Ebay and get a tenner!
Darling should consult him rather than paying for an accountant
(what a laugh!)? It might be the answer to inflation??
THE WAY TO FIVER IT!
about Eric, there’s a new film just come out called
‘Looking For Eric’.
It stars the former French football star Eric Cantona, who
became a folk hero at Manchester United and is now a big movie
star! I suppose he gets a big kick out of it!! (Get it?).
is all about the relationship between fans and their heroes,
but what caught my eye (other than the title) was a sports
psychologist (who needs one of them?) saying: ‘Great
competitors in sport are also great actors’.
me think of Eric Bristow when he was winning everything 20
odd years ago, and the way he used to command the stage and
‘bully’ all his opponents with well chosen put-downs,
expressions and body language. He was arrogant and rude (nothing
has changed then!) and played the part of a darts ‘baddie’
by giving the impression – always – that he was
I said, who needs a sports psychologist?
all about the subject of acting, because I’ve been a
bit of a thespian in my time. I love all the dressing up and
making my stage entrance by whipping up the fans.
the real answer is that me, Eric and the players from that
great era of the 70s and 80s – Lobo, Jocky and the others
- were (are) characters in our chosen sport.
was the same in big time football, and now he’s hung
up his boots and chosen to pursue a career in acting playing
the part comers naturally to him.
and Eric should follow in his footsteps? Hang on a minute,
I already have! Remember the film ‘Dog’ and other
on-screen appearances by ‘yours truly’?
it started me off on a quiz to name as many famous Eric’s
as possible and I came up with two great comics – Eric
Morecambe and Eric Sykes – the greatest guitarist of
all time, Eric Clapton, the bloke behind Miss World, Eric
Morley……and of course, the one and only Eric Bristow.
get me going on famous Bobby’s and George’s!
THE WAY TO NAME IT!
see the stories in the newspapers saying that people who wear
too much jewellery and drive nice cars might be dodgy? In
the Daily Mail my eye was caught by the headline: ‘Too
Much Bling? That’s Criminal’.
I thought it was a leg pull, but no! Apparently one of our
police forces has launched a new ‘initiative’
called: ‘Too Much Bling? Give Us A Ring?’
ALLO!!! Who thought that one up? It sounds more like an April
Fool gag than something that is going to benefit the public.
But sadly, in this world of gimmicks, the police are actually
encouraging people to ‘spy’ on their fellow men
(and women) and report them if they appear to be wearing jewellery
or driving a car that others think they can’t afford!
cheek! What gives anyone the right to judge? Have they never
heard of the proverb: ‘You can’t judge a book
by its cover’?
they’ll be raiding darts tournaments next and arresting
the players and spectators for wearing too much bling! And
as for me? I’d better stay indoors – especially
as I’ve just bought my second Jag (you can now call
me two Jags Bobby) and as a humble darts player how can I
possibly afford two Jags and loads of bling?? After all, I’m
not a banker or an MP!
is simple and applies to many people (darts players included)
who wear nice jewellery and drive decent cars: I work hard
and happen to like my bling and nice cars!
way, my second Jag is a diesel estate that will be my ‘workhorse’
as I travel up and down the country. Did I buy it because
it is flash? No. I bought it because of its comfort and reliability.
if this is sounding like a party political broadcast on behalf
of the Common Sense Party, but I am annoyed for myself and
decent people everywhere.
couldn’t make it up, could you? But, thankfully, the
wonderful straight talking MP Ann Widdecombe has responded
to this latest nanny state gimmick by saying: ‘If the
police spent as much time tackling crime and getting out on
the beat, as they do coming out with this ridiculous stuff,
we’d all be better off.’
Three cheers for a bit of common sense.
THE WAY TO BLING IT!
reading this rubbish I had to ring my local gun shop for a
new rifle to keep down vermin and rabbits on my land around
woman at the other end asked for my name and I said Bobby
George, she responded immediately by asking: ‘The Bobby
George?’ and when I confirmed that I was, she added:
‘You have a lot to answer for in my house because my
grandson is a big fan of yours and asked for a gold ring and
a dartboard for his birthday. We haven’t been able to
get him out of the garage since! He practices all the time
with his mates. All he wants is to be a famous darts player
like you on BBC TV.’
was I very flattered by this, but also very pleased when she
agreed with me that having a gold ring and enjoying a social
hobby like darts, is far more preferable than her grandson
turning to drugs or hanging about on street corners.
of getting people and kids as young as seven to ‘spy’
on their neighbours. maybe the police should be encouraging
kids to play games like darts, pool, snooker and ping pong
in properly run youth clubs as a way of bringing communities
is, all we read about today are cutbacks in council expenditure
which is leading to such clubs being closed down.
NOT THE WAY TO DO IT!
Whatever happened to good, old fashioned common sense?
on to much nicer things and staying on the subject of community
spirit, I had a great night at the Glemsford & District
Darts League finals and presentation night.
was the presentation of a cheque to Woodbridge Mencap Gateway
(the charity which me and Marie raised money for in TV’s
‘Celebrity Cash InThe Attic’).
darts style, Clive Stewart (pictured with the cheque) was
not satisfied with the money raised from the auction of my
personal items on ‘Cash In The Attic’ so he decided
to add to it with another £200 raised on the night.
Roly Bright and his lovely wife Elise came along to accept
the cheque on behalf of the Gateway Club, and it was my pleasure
to be among such genuine and generous darts people.
THE WAY TO CHARITY IT!
with nice people, me and Little Richard had a very enjoyable
night at the presentation evening of Braunton & District
Darts League. We had lots of fun, but the most important thing
is that over £500 was raised on the night for the North
Devon Hospice – another example of the wonderful generosity
of darts folk.
a remark by chairman Malcolm Hannon, who reckons that I am
‘almost as good a comedian ad I am a darts player’.
Thanks for the compliment Malcolm, but what do you mean by
I’m a brilliant comic – but then again she’s
seen me without my clothes on!
THE WAY TO DO IT!
A not so
brilliant comic is Omid Djalli, an Iranian stand-up born in
Chelsea, who has had his own series on BBC-1. Unlike Ken Dodd
he is only funny in small doses and I don’t know how
he gets away with material that is definitely non PC and unfunny.
total bad taste he did a sketch called ‘Darts Players
Wives’ (that’s not been done before – only
a million times!) and in the last show of the series this
featured a love triangle between two darts players and a very
ugly woman (played by Omid).
of the darts players mentioned the ‘darts players code’
of ‘Never Betray A Fellow Tosser’ (very funny
Aaaaaaaaaarh!) he then threw a dart into the other player’s
eye and shouted ‘Bullseye!’
this programme went out after the so-called ‘watershed’
because not only was this sketch totally unfunny, but it set
a very stupid and dangerous example of how not to play (and
behave) in our sport.
Senseless and not funny at all!
NOT THE WAY TO DO IT!
me to the end of yet another column. Remember to enjoy your
bling, drive the nicest car you can afford and avoid any TV
show starring a pretend Iranian pretending to be funny!
Darts Always Be With You.