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This is supposed
to be the most romantic month of the year, or so Marie
tells me!
I
shouldn’t need to tell everyone that February
14th is St.Valentine’s Day. Nothing to do with
the famous Mafia Massacre(though it’s pretty
close!), but the one day of the year on which all
we men are supposed to show our love and devotion
to our ladies by sending cards, flowers and chocolates.
I’ve
been doing this for years – ask Marie –
but this time I have gone one better with an interview
in the Scotsman newspaper telling the world what I
know about women!
Not
a lot according to Marie!
The
thing is, it’s very appropriate because I actually
met Marie on Valentine’s Day some 25 years ago,
and it was love at first sight! Honest!! The minute
I clapped eyes on her, I turned to my mate and told
him that she was the woman I was going to marry.
It
sounds corny, I know, but I just knew that she was
perfect for me in every way…..looks, figure,
personality, the lot! What a package!!
Mind
you, what I didn’t know was that Marie being
Marie, was going to be no pushover (she still isn’t!)
and she probably (definitely!) wasn’t as keen
as me to begin with.
But,
Bobby being Bobby, I wasn’t going to take no
for an answer and she soon gave way to my charm and
suffocation (sorry, I mean sophistication!) and we
did start ‘courting’ and two years later
we get married.
How
romantic is that?
THAT’S
THE WAY TO WOO IT!
So,
in a tribute to Marie and women everywhere, I have
decided to turn over a new pairs of pants, and pay
tribute to the ladies in our lives. Just put it down
to old age or pressure from Marie!
To
be honest, I have everything I want in Marie, but
having said that I don’t think I have a specific
type of lady. What I look for is a good personality,
and we all like a bit of shape don’t we? I like
curves and voluptuous women (even the word ‘voluptuous’
is a great turn on).
I
want someone to cuddle up to. Women with a bit of
‘meat’ on their bones are preferable to
straight up, straight down skinny ones!
I
reckon women go on diets for themselves, not for their
men. Most men are like me, they’re not attracted
to walking coat-hangers. To me, when I see a skinny
women I just think she needs a good feed.
But
that’s just my view and before I’m accused
of being sexist, I have to tell you that I like all
women really. It’s just that some –like
Marie – have special assets (I can think of
two in particular!) that set them out from the crowd.
THAT’STHE
WAY TO DO IT!
Now
it’s ‘true confession’ time because
I was married before Marie. Don’t worry, she
already knew! I was only 22, and to be honest that
was far too young. Men don’t mature as quickly
as women.
I
should have waited until I was 40, because like most
young men, the path of true love was in my trousers,
if you know what I mean!
Women
in their 20’s are probably ready to commit to
a long term relationship, but men in their 20’s
are just idiots! I know I was! Marie says I still
am!!
In
the same way, men are more likely to be selfish –
preferring a few pints down the pub and a game (or
two) of darts with the lads, instead of a cuddle in
front of the fire.
Women
are the ones who are more happy to stay in and have
a kiss and a cuddle! Can you imagine that? A kiss
and a cuddle instead of a game of darts? What’s
the world coming to??
THAT’S
THE WAY TO KISS & CUDDLE IT!
Seriously,
whenever we go on holiday, it is Marie who is worrying
about the kids and always ringing them up to check
if they are OK. I would never even think about that.
Robert is now 20 and Richard is 18, so I assume that
they can look after themselves and are probably pretty
happy that we are not around to nag them!
But
women love their families and never stop worrying
about their kids. What would we do without them (the
women I mean?). Knowing what men are like, we’d
probably go down to the pub more often and drink more!
Again,
this is just my opinion, but I reckon that love means
far more to a woman than it does to a man. Don’t
get me wrong. I probably love Marie more now than
I did when we were younger.
It’s
an age thing. We’ve grown up together and got
used to each other in every way – good and bad.
But, I don’t show it in the same way that she
does to me. Women can (and do) devote themselves completely
to those they love, while we men can devote our lives
to far more things (like beer and darts and fishing
and being selfish!).
Women
are the superior sex – Marie is always telling
me so – because they are loving, giving and
extremely loyal.
THAT’S
THE WAY TO SAY IT!
But
then, Marie is not just my wife. She’s been
my manager for more than 20 years and when she says
‘jump’ I ask her ‘how high?’
We’re definitely a team. A partnership. We are
in this life together even though she’s always
telling me what to do!
She’s
great at what she does and looks after me totally.
If I ran a business I would only employ women (is
that sexist?) because they’re always on time,
they’re organised, they look better than men,
and they make sure the bills get paid and the money
comes in!
Marie
is exactly like that, and so was my dear old mum.
Let’s face it, us blokes will never be as organised
as the ladies. Not only can they juggle many things
(I was going to say balls, but I might get a kick
in them!) at once, but they care about stuff far more
than we do.
It’s
true to say that me and Marie have the perfect relationship.
We are happily married, we work together and we spend
a lot of time together. OK, she nags me all the time
and even shouts at me sometimes, but we don’t
really argue.
When
we have words I go down the lakes and fish. There’s
no point in confrontation with women. You’ll
always lose! To be honest women are like the weather.
You either get lots of sunshine, or it’s p****ing
down! The weathermen describe it best of all: Changeable!!
There’s
not much more I can say on the subject, except to
remind all you men out there not to forget St.Valentine’s
Day. Send the woman you love a romantic card, a bunch
of flowers and a nice box of chocolates.
At
least you’ll get a bit of affection and some
peace and quiet for one day in the year!!
Only
joking, Marie! Honest!!!!!
THAT’STHE
WAY TO WOO ‘EM!
Had
a lovely night when I went along to West London Darts
League to present the trophies. Nice to see Wayne
Mardle there as well. He’s a good player and
always smiling. Like me, he loves ‘fun’
darts.
Jason
Clark invited me and he’s what I would call
a real ‘diamond’. He does so much for
the League and for darts in general, and is one of
the many unsung heroes who make everything work so
that we players can play.
Well
done, Jason. You deserve a medal – or a row
of ‘em!
Another
hard working official who has given everything and
a bit more to darts is John Innes. He’s now
in his 80’s and I was delighted when West London
presented him with a ‘Lifelong Achievement Award’.
No
one deserves it more than John and, guess what? He
actually sang my ‘180’ song and made it
sound much better than I ever could!
THAT’S
THE WAY TO SING IT!
The
Legends darts show had a great night at the Circus
Tavern. It was packed, the darts was good and the
hospitality of guv’nor Peter Rou was as good
as it always is.
Peter
fishes at George Hall and we have been friends of
many years, so it is always good to go there with
the darts.
And
all the legends were there: Eric Bristow, Keith Deller,
Cliff Lazarenko and someone called Bobby George! Oh
yes, Phil Taylor and Wayne Mardle also came along
to play each other.
What
you might call a full house of darts, and with Eric,
Cliff, Keith and me donating a set of darts, and Phil
and Wayne donating darts shirts, we have now raised
some £3,000 towards a Variety Club Sunshine
Coach.
Not
bad for a few darts players!
THAT’S
THE WAY TO SUNSHINE IT!
We
are hoping to do some more Legends Show in the future,
and I send thanks again to Peter Rou on behalf of
everyone for making the night so successful.
That’s
it for another month. Keep happy. Keep smiling and
May The Darts Be With you…..
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