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April 2007:
T
HAT'S THE WAY TO DO IT! By BOBBY GEORGE


Blimey, this writing lark gets better every day! Just a few weeks after the Oscars I’ve had an offer to turn my book ‘Bobby Dazzler’ into a blockbuster Hollywood movie!

After the worldwide success of ‘The Queen’ with the beautiful Dame Helen Mirren, they’ve decided that ‘The King’ (of Darts) is the perfect follow up, and are making approaches to Brad Pitt to play the young Bobby…good looking babe magnet…..and Michael (Not Many People Know That) Caine to play me as I am today…..savvy, intelligent, rich and successful.

APRIL FOOLS!

It sounds good and who knows what can happen nowadays, but I’m still waiting for the call from Hollywood!

THAT’S THE WAY TO APRIL FOOL IT!

That’s the ‘fiction’ out of the way. Now the fact: I can tell you that being an author is proving to be really successful and great fun at the same time.

For instance, I was gobsmacked (and very happy) when The Independent newspaper gave ‘Bobby Dazzler’ their prestigious title: ‘Book of the Week’ (that’s a fact).

What an honour for someone who, according to some, left school with GCE’s in illiteracy!!

It’s selling so well that Orion Books have ordered a re-print (another fact) and I’ve been told that Bobby Dazzler has now become the most popular and best read darts book of all time! (yet another fact).

I’m not about to argue am I? It’s a wonderful compliment.

In the Autumn ‘Bobby Dazzler’ will be published in paperback and, who knows? That dream of a film might become reality! Stranger things have happened in life – especially to me!!

THAT’S THE WAY TO FILM IT!

Such is my new found fame in literary circles (stop it I’m blushing!) that I was a guest at ‘The Authors Party’ held at the Victoria & Albert Museum recently.

And what a ‘posh’ affair it turned out to be!

I was probably the only author there that couldn’t spell, but most of the fellow authors I spoke to said they had read my book.

That’s quite something when you are rubbing shoulders with the most famous authors in the world, and I also met lots of lovely people like the veteran actor Leslie Phillips.

Everyone knows him as the well-spoken ‘cad’ and ‘womaniser’ from the Carrry On films and when we were introduced I couldn’t help saying ‘H…E….L….L….O’ in a take off of that very familiar accent of his. What a smashing geezer!

Come to think of it, he could play me in ‘Carry On Darts’.
It could be filmed on location at Lakeside and George Hall!

I reckon that’s a box-office blockbuster in the making!!

Hollywood here I come!!

THAT’S THE WAY TO HELLO IT!

The Authors Party was next door to the exhibition of Kylie Minogue’s clothes so my pants were right next to her famous hotpants!!

Mind you, I kept mine on and spent most of the night at the bar!

Unfortunately, there was no lager. Just sparkling water and Champers being drunk by lots of people wearing scarves!

LUVVERLY BUBBLY!!

Why do the in-crowd and ‘luvvies’ do that? Wear scarves tied round their necks I mean?? I suppose it must be a fashion statement, because they all tie them the same and they are only short (the scarves not the people!).

People sometimes have a pop at me for wearing gold chains round my neck, but I prefer cool gold to having a scarf on all day. But, now I am on the social calendar I am quickly discovering that it takes all sorts!!

THAT’S THE WAY TO SCARF IT!

Back to darts, I spent a very enjoyable weekend at the Seacroft Holiday Village, Hemsby recently.

It was organised by the lovely Shirley Winn of Isle-of-Wight Tours and was a mix of tournament and exhibition for transport companies all over the country.

Me and Trina Gulliver were there to play darts and ‘mingle’, and Little Richard Ashdown held the whole thing together as compere, MC and all round entertainer. He might be little, but he’s a multi-talented ‘giant’ when it comes to darts events (and spotting).

Anyway, other than the darts, the real highlight of the weekend (at least for me) was the Fancy Dress party on the Saturday night. Nine beautiful ladies from South Shields dressed up as ‘Booby George’s’ and came out carrying candelabra’s and huge false boobs!

HELLO BOOBIES!

There were 9 girls and 18 Booby’s and I heard a geezer say to one of the girls: ‘I don’t know why you’re wearing false booby’s, yours are much bigger than that!’ She just looked at him and said: ‘I know they are darling, but the real ones are around my waist!’

THAT’S THE WAY TO BOOBY GEORGE IT!

I would like to thank the South Shields girls: Lesley Barkas, Liz Scullion, Vera Younger, Jillian Cooper, Jeanette Nicol, Alison Bland, Mary Porter, Anne Warwick and Pat Just, for giving us so many laughs at Hemsby.

The photograph shows the girls with me and Trina. It’s a bit out of focus because the poor photographer couldn’t keep his hands still at the sight of so many Booby’s on display at the same time!

THAT’S THE WAY TO PHOTO IT!

Moving swiftly from Booby’s to balls, did you see Ray Stubbs on the Comic Relief verson of ‘Fame Academy?’ I rang him up to say: ‘Ray, as a singer you make a great TV presenter, but I had to tell you that you’ve got more balls than me to get up and do that!’

And I wasn’t talking footballs or snooker balls either!

Look out at Lakeside next year for me and Ray as singing duo
‘The Symbolics’. Ray will be ‘Sym’ and I’ll be the rest (probably spelt differently)!!

THAT’S THE WAY TO SING IT!

Talking of singing I asked an audience at a recent exhibition to tell me the difference between Bobby George and Boy George. It’s only for a bit of fun but they all fell about when I told them that the person with the correct answer would get a ‘Pro Life Doll’.

You wind it up and it tells porkie-pies until the batteries run out!

THAT’S THE WAY TO PORKY PIE IT!

Reminds me of the bloke who said to me: ‘I’m a better liar than you are’, so I asked him to tell me his biggest porky-pie.

‘I once swam up Niagra Falls’, he told me.

He soon shut up when I said: ‘I know. I was there and I saw you’.

Sounds like a situation I found myself in at the start of the year. As they say, the truth is often stranger than fiction.

THAT’S THE WAY TO FACT IT!

Which brings me to the end of yet another column. Happy Easter to all my readers. Hope to see lots of you at Lakeside on April 6th and 7th for the ‘Friendly International’ between England and Scotland.

It’s now got extra appeal following England’s drubbing of the Dutch in the recent Six Nations Cup!

May The Darts be with you…….and England!

 

 

 

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